what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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