My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
