I cockslap morals
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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