On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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