Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
