I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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