it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
