I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My room smells like vodka and shame
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I won the penis lottery.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
