You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
