he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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