For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
