All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
