You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
