He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
