And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
