I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
