He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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