Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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