i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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