I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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