Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
