some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
