you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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