just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
