my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
