What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
