hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
