If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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