If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
