She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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