The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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