Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
