Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
