Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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