I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The Olympian is in my bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
