How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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