just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
