If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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