WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
