She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
