I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
