break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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