I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
