She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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