As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
