one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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