Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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