I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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