I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
