so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
