He uses pillows to masturbate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
