i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
