i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
