I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
