I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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