Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize