I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
