i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
