I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
