Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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