i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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