Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize