I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
