Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
