I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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