I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
