hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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