just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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