remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize