Barsexuality is the new black.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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