no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
