Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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