I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
